“i want to go home.” (2023)

orchestra

Commissioned by the Korean National Symphony Orchestra

Performances

• November 1, 2023, Korean National Symphony Orchestra, reading session as part of KNSO Composers’ Atelier, Seoul, South Korea

• December 7, 2024, Korean National Symphony Orchestra, David Reiland, Seoul, South Korea

• December 8, 2024, Korean National Symphony Orchestra, David Reiland, Sejong, South Korea

Program Note

Aging society, a subject that requires extensive discussion for the future of all of us. However, it hasn’t deeply resonated on an individual level, perhaps due to the weight of this discourse. In the midst of it, I had a related experience that led me to write this piece, one I cannot forget.

I wanted to talk about dementia. As for conveying this subject through music, I carefully considered the direction. Rather than merely listing the symptoms of the disease from an observer’s point of view, I decided to experience it from the perspective of those suffering from the disease. The purpose is to gain a deeper understanding of their viewpoint by infusing experiential elements into the music. The title of the piece is “i want to go home.” This is a common colloquial phrase, but I had hoped that the deeper someone delves into it, the more things they would find themselves pondering. Though some strangers say it’s home, to me, it’s as unfamiliar as their faces. Or, it could be an honest expression from someone longing for care in a place familiar to them. The structure of this piece is important in conveying its theme. It contains the interplay between familiarity and unfamiliarity through original and variations, and depicts the silent flow of time with the repetition of specific sounds. It expresses the decline (or return) of memories experienced on the timeline moving forward, along with the anxiety and confusion encountered in the process of going backward.

We tend to be rather not so good at understanding something without experiencing it firsthand. I hope that this piece functions as an experience, leading to empathy beyond understanding.

▶ video (reading)
▶ interview